Apologies.

I might have stroked (is this grammatically correct?) a wrong chord with my readers.
I know it is wrong of me to lambaste my brother so severely especially in this holy month, but you have to understand, we were very, very close with each another. We have never separated rooms before, his bed is still next to mine as i wrote this.

We shared clothes together, toys, table, computer, room, towels, and even toothbrush! (i've warned him, but he didn't listen). We played together. We traveled together. We fought, we reconciled, we had fun. People thought we were twins when we were kids. We were inseparable.

So, when i heard how he crashed his plane, i was absolutely gutted. He carried my ambition, he had a bright future in front of him. We're bound to do lots of fun things together since we're still young.

That was why i was mad. The last time i was mad at him was when he was in Matriculation. He never called home and my mother was worried sick. I gave him some stick and he called often after that.

When my father agreed to let him go to flying school, he was over the moon. I was a bit jealous because I wasn't given the opportunity, but I was proud as hell. We agreed to continue what my father didn't finish (that is to become a successful commercial pilot) and my brother got the chance.

He got what he wished for, but why didn't he value his life more? Why the dangerous stunt? Overconfidence can kill you. Didn't he learn that from all the thriller and spy novels he read? He loved the Bourne series, did Jason Bourne ever become overconfident? No he did not.

He risked his life, he took the gamble and he lost. A friend of mine said, flying is actually even safer than driving a car. But even when riding a camel, if you do it wrongly can get you killed. I was disappointed.

But he's young. Young people are always brash and impatient. He can fly a plane. That is waaaaay more exciting than riding a car. And more thrilling. I must admit, if i can fly a plane, i would have done what he had done. All the cadets would do the same thing. It is just that his time was up. Allah called for him. And what a way it was.

At least he got all he wanted before he go. Laptop, flying, celebrate mom's birthday, move to Terengganu where he can fly more; new hand phone, talked with my grandmother. He died without feeling horrible pain. He died a martyr because he was in the process of learning. Assured of heaven.

I cried because I missed you very much. I cried because of all the things we did together. I cried because of all the things we didn't manage to do together. I cried because I lost my one and only brother.

The last thing he saw was the sky. What a noble way to die, isn't it Ariff? I'm jealous again!

I'm not mad anymore, I forgive you. How can I be mad at you? May we be rejoined in heaven, God willing. InsyaAllah.