Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The past and the present

You forget the past, and look towards the future

But can you really forget about the past when it was the most interesting, fun, exciting, memorable time of your life? And suddenly the happiness was robbed off you. Okay, not robbed, but taken back.

The day he died, I made a solemn promise that I would visit his grave every morning every day. But until today, I could not fulfill that promise. I still cannot and do not like to go there.

Every time I go, I am filled with grief and sadness. I don't like it, I hate it. That is why, if I wanted to go there, I'd bring along Syahidatul.
Going with my family too, is not a wonderful experience. They make painful faces that I could not look at. Except maybe my sisters, who are excellent in hiding their emotions.
I do not know how long this feeling will last. I am always filled with guilt towards him, but if he were in my shoes, he would understand.
At the moment, let me ride the wave and wait till the ocean is calm again.

Happy Birthday bro. We always celebrated together, but good things will always come to an end.
But fret not, as I will surely be there to meet you (and so is our family) and we'll celebrate together again, as a family.

with love,