Season to be jolly? Oh my...

'tis the season to be jolly!
but not Christmas. Duuh!
5 more days to Raya.
Everyone in their festive mood already, blogs blaring with raya songs.
Can't take it, people! Don't wanna visit your blog anymore, not until raya finishes.
Haha!
Me?
Nothing to celebrate about. End of Ramadhan. That's it.
No raya for me this year.
I don't wanna go balik kampung actually.
But you know, this raya may be my last. Only God knows how long you'll live.
I don't get to see my relatives often, so I might as well meet them.
As I said before, it might be my last.

To John, Ady, Lia, Shy; thanks for your kad raya.
Really appreciate it.
Though I'm kinda embarrassed. This year unlike past years, I didn't send out even 1 raya card to my friends.
I'll make sure next year you guys receive 'em.

Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya.
Drive safe, ride safe, fly safe.
Ingatlah orang yang tersayang.
We may not see each other again, so I'll take this opportunity to apologise for anything I do that displeases you. As they say; to err is human.

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin.
Ssemoga kita berjumpa lagi.

Cookie with an Attitude!

Rock on!!!

Baked to perfection!!! (looks fat actually...)

'Rock!'chip cookie + vanilla ice cream + Hershey's chocolate = indescribablyheavenlychocolatyunforgettablepleasurabledelight!

p.s. - err, i'll make the cookie better looking next time; less fat! hehe

Another one...

Oops, sorry...
Got too way ahead of myself in the last post.
I actually wanted to show some cool pictures. Heh.
So, my brother flew a DA40 (Diamond), a 1 engine with 4 seats.
I decided to go one better by flying THIS!

A Boeing 777!

Man, it was the shizz! Look how cool I am...

Me in the cockpit with cool uniform...

I'm revolutionizing the industry. Pilots don't need those old school white uniforms anymore! Look at me! I wore baju melayu and kopiah instead of the pilot cap! How cool is that!

On the runway...

Those are one hell of a complicated controls...

Care for a ride?

That's all for today folks. Maybe in the next blog you'll see me in a BIGGER plane!
Who's got the last laugh now, eh Ariff?
Hahahahahaha!

Black Wednesday...

29 days after his death (20/08/2008)....
On this day (Wednesday), around 1730 hours...
Things have changed a lot since then.
I haven't seen my father happy ever since; my mom always have bags under her eyes and I can't seem to concentrate on everything that I do.
I guess what makes it a lot painful is that he is still young and he is about to embark on a new adventure where responsibility is his new game.
We can cry blood but he still won't come back to us. We have to accept that and move on; even by crawling if that is the only way we can manage...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17 days of fasting, time seems to go faster than I could have imagined.
17 days of Ramadhan, I only missed 1 day of Terawih.
But, not even 1 day of that Terawih was I khusyuk.
My mind seems to fly during the prayer, partly because the imam recite the Quranic verses long and partly because I used to go to Terawih with my brother every day last year.
I kept thinking of him when I pray, I tried to focus but to no avail.
Because of that I did extra sunat prayers, just to cover all the dosa or lack of pahala during this Ramadhan.
I guess there is one good thing that comes from his death; it seems that I become eager to collect pahala so that I can meet him in heaven.
And hey, this is RAMADHAN! I don't understand why some of you guys won't take this opportunity to more than double up your pahala???
Somehow I remembered a friend of mine who said this :

Nak buat macam mana aku memang susah sembahyang. Takpe, lepas duduk neraka aku masuk syurga pulak. Orang Islam kan mesti masuk syurga...(a bit like that he said)

U believe that?? I was shocked as well, really. I think I heard from the imam just now; he said that a day (or is it a year?) in hell equals 60 years in the world?
The most painful feeling that we feel in Earth is the minimum that we would feel in hell. And he doesn't mind!
Absolutely incredible and unbelievable!
I'd work my socks off to go straight to heaven rather than experience even a minute in hell. That is absolutely the most craziest word that I have ever heard in my life! Seriously!
So guys, remember :

Berpuasa di dalam bulan Ramadhan kalau amalan yang wajib tak di buat (seperti sembahyang), apa hasil yang anda dapat hanyalah lapar dan dahaga!

Lebih baik tak payah puasa begitu. Buat penat aje...

Sori ter 'dakwah' pulak.

Just another random ramblings.
-out-

Oh wow...

Ain't that a surprise?
I just found out that more of my friends have started blogging.
Where did they get their inspiration from?
Well, it doesn't matter anyways. It's a good way to channel your feelings.
Do you know that Malaysia ranks number 1 with THE MOST BLOGGERS?
You can check that out for your self. I won't spoon feed you.
Good luck and congratulations to Shafwan, Amirullah and Fahmi Pall Mall and not to forget Faiz Safii (papa). Welcome to our circle of bloggers!

p.s. - If you want me to link your blog, just ask. I won't do it without your permission.

Layout??

Semua nak mekap kan blog.
Cantik juga. Tapi tak mau ikut.
Menyusahkan orang lain nak baca blog nanti. Sangat memeningkan kepala sesetengah page mereka. Lagipun aku malas.

I like to keep it simple. Tak payah pening2 kepala. So, count me out of the race, guys.
Tahniah la siapa yang menang.

Metro Ahad

The interview was one hell of a drama. It was very emotional. We can't help it.
To those who didn't manage to buy the paper, here is the online version. Unlike the paper version, this one doesn't have any pictures of us.

I can't scan, and I don't know how to save the whole page, so here's the link.

--------------------------------------

This Raya will be so different. I don't even want to celebrate it. Balik kampung also.
I just wanna stay home. But I don't have a choice, do I?
Only Allah S.W.T knows how i feel inside.

Sabar2. Tabah2.
I'm still human, no? Maybe I just don't want to sabar2, tabah2.
Only Allah S.W.T. knows how i feel.

Tonight!

It seems i made a mistake.
The reporter from Harian Metro will come tonight! At 10!
They want to send to the editor tomorrow and post the article in the Harian Metro Ahad.
So, make sure to buy a copy this Sunday.

Ace?

Heard story from Ariff's friends.
It seems Ariff was an ace pilot.
His friends told us how Ariff outmaneuvered an eagle in a training and it was so impressive that his friends gave him a salute!
Now, based on their story it seems very unlikely that Ariff caused the accident. His past partners said that flying seems natural for Ariff; very skillful and sharp.
Maybe Ariff and Farid fought for the 'joystick' before the crash?
Maybe Farid got jealous of the recognition and fame Arif earned and wanted to prove to Ariff who is the best and caused the accident?
Full of maybes and unless Farid confessed to anything, we shouldn't speculate.
Though i doubt Farid would reveal any truth to cover his fault if he really did something wrong up there.
My brother, ace. So proud. I can imagine the Top Gun scene. My brother is Tom Cruise, then? Haha!
---------------------------
It seems that a reporter will come this Sunday to interview the whole family.
They wanted to make a special spread for us in the Harian Metro Ahad or something.
They wanted to know how it would feel this Raya celebrating without Ariff.
Stupid, isn't it? It should be obvious how we would feel this coming Raya.
Well, it's part of their job. Kerja halal, kenalah bantu.

Another random ramblings.
-out-

Apologies.

I might have stroked (is this grammatically correct?) a wrong chord with my readers.
I know it is wrong of me to lambaste my brother so severely especially in this holy month, but you have to understand, we were very, very close with each another. We have never separated rooms before, his bed is still next to mine as i wrote this.

We shared clothes together, toys, table, computer, room, towels, and even toothbrush! (i've warned him, but he didn't listen). We played together. We traveled together. We fought, we reconciled, we had fun. People thought we were twins when we were kids. We were inseparable.

So, when i heard how he crashed his plane, i was absolutely gutted. He carried my ambition, he had a bright future in front of him. We're bound to do lots of fun things together since we're still young.

That was why i was mad. The last time i was mad at him was when he was in Matriculation. He never called home and my mother was worried sick. I gave him some stick and he called often after that.

When my father agreed to let him go to flying school, he was over the moon. I was a bit jealous because I wasn't given the opportunity, but I was proud as hell. We agreed to continue what my father didn't finish (that is to become a successful commercial pilot) and my brother got the chance.

He got what he wished for, but why didn't he value his life more? Why the dangerous stunt? Overconfidence can kill you. Didn't he learn that from all the thriller and spy novels he read? He loved the Bourne series, did Jason Bourne ever become overconfident? No he did not.

He risked his life, he took the gamble and he lost. A friend of mine said, flying is actually even safer than driving a car. But even when riding a camel, if you do it wrongly can get you killed. I was disappointed.

But he's young. Young people are always brash and impatient. He can fly a plane. That is waaaaay more exciting than riding a car. And more thrilling. I must admit, if i can fly a plane, i would have done what he had done. All the cadets would do the same thing. It is just that his time was up. Allah called for him. And what a way it was.

At least he got all he wanted before he go. Laptop, flying, celebrate mom's birthday, move to Terengganu where he can fly more; new hand phone, talked with my grandmother. He died without feeling horrible pain. He died a martyr because he was in the process of learning. Assured of heaven.

I cried because I missed you very much. I cried because of all the things we did together. I cried because of all the things we didn't manage to do together. I cried because I lost my one and only brother.

The last thing he saw was the sky. What a noble way to die, isn't it Ariff? I'm jealous again!

I'm not mad anymore, I forgive you. How can I be mad at you? May we be rejoined in heaven, God willing. InsyaAllah.

Time

I'm gonna take a break from blogging.
I'm sorry, it's just that my mind is not where it's supposed to be anymore.
Tragedies can change people; unfortunately, it affected me deeper than i thought.
I may start blogging again tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year or maybe worst; won't blog anymore.
Only time will tell.
Sorry people, I just can't.
Thanks to all who loyally reads all my nonsensical stuffs and ramblings.

Just another (final?) random ramblings
-out-