Sweat.

I want a break from accounting, so i got a break from accounting.

Lessen the burden on my soul. And mind.

Do I like my new job?

Heck no!

Answering calls and solve their problems is not my cup of tea.

I get to do competitors' research.

I get to test their new online program.

I'm the youngest, so they expect I know all things old people don't.

I appreciate the trust and responsibility. And the workload.

No job is easy.

Earning money works a sweat.

I'll get around it somehow.

To the job I love most.

In the mean time, Alhamdulillah.

I'll take care of the bills, papi.

I'll give you extra allowance, mommy.

Brother's gonna bring you to the movies.

What? Toy Story?

Sure, gladly!

Of Lamborghini and Degree.

Convocation timeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay not.

What's so special, huh? huh?? huh???

Hot and humid, the hall is not nice (avoiding using negative word, like ugly. lolz), not grand, plain, old, creaky, dangerous (kinda look like it).

I've seen my friends' convocation overseas. OMFGBBQWTF! MAJESTIC! That's how it should be done.

The hall is grand. Or, maybe a stadium. Full of win.

I want a freaking ceremony in a park!!! That's hot! No. Not hot hot. But hot awesome hot.

I'd like to show you a picture. I kinda saw a picture of a friend of mine, his ceremony was freaking cool. But i forgot who, hence I can't find the picture.

So, no picture.

Imagine it yourself.

At night, on a park, with lots of lights.

Awesomeness.

Sourgrapes.

Actually, the fact is, I'm just plain disappointed. I'm not proud at all of my achievements. I think it is below par. Waaaaaay below.

I felt it when I took my Diploma. I set my mind not to feel the same thing when I take my Degree.

Alas.

Hence the name of the blog. I screwed up.

...

But I'm sure I'll forget all about it when I get my hand on my first million ringgit.

And Lamborghini.

Sick.

Balls!

I didn't bust my balls for more than 16 years just to be your Average Joe!

I want to be more than that!

I'm gonna take any opportunity by the scruff on the neck and make it something new and successful!

I have a point to prove.

Aku bingung.

Apa yang aku mahu sebenarnya?

Apa yang aku harapkan?

Apa yang aku impikan?

Keliru. Sungguh. Celaru.

Tak tahu apa yang aku nak. Tak tahu jalan apa yang aku harus ambil.

Adakah sebab nawaitu aku dulu lain dari apa yang aku nak sekarang?

Dulu nawaitu aku nak jadik pilot selepas belajar. Aku nak pass fizik dengan add maths supaya cukup syarat.

Alhamdulillah, aku dapat lebih dari apa yang aku sasarkan.

Rezeki bertambah murah apabila diberi peluang untuk sambung belajar di UiTM.

Tapi nawaitu aku nak menjadi juruterbang. Ayah tahu, adik tahu.

Tapi ayah mahu ku teruskan belajar sebagai pelapik di kala waktu susah. Aku paham dan aku setuju.

Manusia hanya boleh merancang, Allah SWT menentukan.

Adik aku meninggal dalam usaha mencapai cita2 aku dan dia.

Hati berbelah bagi.

Kalau teruskan cita2, mak mesti sedih dan fobia, ayah juga.

Aku ada degree perakaunan, macam2 boleh ambil.

Tapi, tu la. Niat tak sama. Nak buat keputusan pun tak tahu.

Jadi memilih, terlalu pandang ke hadapan, over ambitious.

Akhirnya apa2 pun tak dapat.

Istikharah dan doa supaya keputusan yang tepat dalam hidup dapat dibuat.

Its been a long time...

I miss him.
Doing nothing at home makes me bored.
And when i'm bored, only one person comes to mind.
Nothing is boring when he's there with me. There's always something that's entertaining.
Sometimes I wish I have so many things to do just to keep my mind off things. Like remembering the past.

He's gone now.
And i haven't visited him for a very long time. Very very long time.
He must be lonely too, huh? Just like me.
Going there exhausts me.
My mental state is just not up to the task.

Got to get myself a job real quick.
I don't look good compared to my other friends.
They look oh-so-successful and oh-so-happy and oh-so-responsible and reliable.

Nak jadik suami orang pon x boleeeeeeey...

Stop!

I need to get my life back in order.

I have to stop facebook-ing;
and lazying around in front of the computer, surfing the net 24/7.

I haven't read the paper in ages.
I don't know what's going on in the world.
I have to start reading from the front to the back; no skipping. Even the business section.
I'm entering the working world.
There's no place for a lazy bum and clueless young adult in this world.

I need to get myself back in order. Stat.

Stop logging into facebook is a start.

Poison

It is much easier to criticize your own country than moving to a new and 'better' country.

It is much easier to find faults of your own country than finding faults of another.

It is much easier to criticize your own country's politicians than be a good one yourself.

It is much easier to criticize and blame others than looking at your faults and weaknesses.

Less hate, more love and appreciation.